Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She made me pour olive oil on her.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
