note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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