As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
