Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
