A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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