I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
