And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
