well I can't set my house on fire every night
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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