Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
