1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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