but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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