I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
