i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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