if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
