OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
