I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
