Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
