how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
