All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
