oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
