there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
