In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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