so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
