I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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