return my video game
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
