I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Randomize
