I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
