I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I still have a little drunk in my system
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
