am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
