I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
