Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
