Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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