: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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