She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
