stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
