Don't you send me to vm
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
