I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
