So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
