I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
