How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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