I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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