butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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