make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
