Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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