her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize