I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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