Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
