tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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