I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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