why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
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