well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
