Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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