I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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