Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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