She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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