I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
