ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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