im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
