im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
