just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
