im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
