I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
