the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
