Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
