turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
