o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
