dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
