Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
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Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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