I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
