Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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