Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize