Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
